Wednesday, July 30, 2008 '
My Story. (:
You know, there are always ups and downs in life. My life is going under.
I have a great story to share with my special people.
Read ;
When it was me and you
Water, that flows unsteadily at times, at times flow with rage, and at times flow peacefully. It flows without stopping. Like water, the flow of life is never the same. It is never steady. It is neither continuously happy, sad nor angry. It just changes. Like water, our lives is filled with ups and downs. Like water, she walks gracefully but lonely on the path of life. Despite all that, water, as of life, can always find a way to the open sea, mix around and be free.
Every day, I see that girl. She was neither fat nor thin. Neither was she ugly nor beautiful. She was neither tanned nor fair. Still, we all can see she was never happy but sad.
Every day, she would cry. If it was not openly, it would be deep down inside. Nobody knew how she felt. Nobody cared. I did not care either but now I do. I saw the possibility of changing. Changes from good to bad, or from bad to good. Changes will always arise one way or another, good or bad.
She was a happy girl, living an almost perfect life. A life surrounded by countless of friends whom she loved and whom loved her. However, it was all in the past. She just, changed.
Nobody, not even herself knew how, or even why she changed. Could this be the course of life? The need to change is inevitable. She was a confused girl. Call her selfish if you must, but she is just lonely and confused. All she wants is love. But why must they take it away? Why must they take it all away from her? Dear God, why does she feel that way? The most important thing is, why must they leave?
This was what she said, "I fell for you. I needed you. I wanted you. I wanted to stand by your side. I wanted to be the one to make you smile. I loved you."
No matter how much she wants to express these words to him, she never could. She knew that he was toying with her feelings. She knew the words he said were lies. She knew the attention he gave were false. She knew that he never loved her, not the way she did.
She was devastated. She sacrificed everything for him. Just for him. Just to see his smile. When he cried, she cried. When he laughed, she laughed. When he frowned, she frowned. Needless to say, she sacrificed her happiness for him. But what did he do? He hurt her. He silently killed her. He changed her.
All she wanted was to be his only one. He never thought of it that way. He wanted more.
That day, I saw her. Her lonesome self, shivering in the cold rain, drenched. All alone, unprotected in the rain.
He once promised, "If you are scared, I will hold you tight. If you are lonely, I will stand by your side. If your are cold, I will keep you warm all day till night."
Tears fell slowly down her pale cheeks, hidden by the falling rain. Sadly, she saw him. He was with another. He was sharing an umbrella with her, holding her to him, closely and tight. She cried, hard, on that fateful night.
She never got out of her wet clothes and just layed in bed. She never stopped crying ever since. She had a high fever the day after.
Early that morning, she woke up with a start. She had a dream, no, a nightmare. He left her. Wait, it was not a dream. It was all real. She started crying again. She could not take it anymore. She took a knife. She was reluctant to do it, but she knew she wanted to. She was living in hell. She wanted to just end it right away. She pierced the knife into her soft and fragile skin. Her life was slowly sucked away. She was dying. That was when her friends, yes, surprisingly, her friends came. And so did he. They were all frightened, shocked and speechless at the side of her losing her life in a pool of blood. Each of them started to cry and apologised. One of them called the ambulance, but it was too late.
The day before he hooked up with another, I looked into the mirror and asked myself, when can I change myself? When can I be me? When can I return to my true self, cheerful and carefree?
That was when it hit me, I could have changed. I could have moved on. But its too late now. My life is ending.
That was when he held me close in his arms. His warm tears fell on my cold and lifeless body. I was leaving. Still, I could hear his voice, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please, please don't leave me..."
Could he have realised my love for him?
I too realised, that I should not have given up.
At this very moment, when I cannot hear his voice, when I cannot see his face, when I cannot feel his touch, I will look back on yesterday and hold it close to my heart.
At my last seconds of life, I remembered what it was like to be me again.
I smiled to him, to everyone.
That was my final goodbye.
The End.
Author : Nur Saienah Md.
I am my inspiration of life.
